It's Hot Out Here For A Pimp!

It’s Hot Out Here For A Pimp

I am looking for a good hoe.

I am looking for a thin, strong, long, clean, lean hoe.
A solid hoe.
A smooth hoe.
An inexpensive but not cheap kinda hoe to meet my needs.

A reliable hoe.
A sturdy hoe.
An easily-accessible hoe.
Not one of those fancy, high-maintenance hoes.
A working-class hoe.
An everyday hoe.
A ready-to-go kinda hoe.

I am looking for a hoe that’s sharp
A well-rounded hoe.
A nicely-shaped hoe.
A curvaceous hoe.
A not-too-big, not-too-small kind of hoe.
A go-with-the-flow kinda hoe.

I do not want a broken down hoe.
A rusty, dusty, crusty hoe,
A nasty hoe.
A cut-up hoe.
A toothless hoe.
A good-for-nothing hoe.
I mean, that would be pointless.

I am looking for a hoe
To shape the field of my dreams and my desires.
A hoe to take off the edge,
A hoe that’s not afraid to get down to the nitty gritty kinda hoe.
I am looking for a hoe that I can just
Tear it up with kinda hoe.
A hoe that is not afraid to get down and dirty kinda hoe.
A hoe that I can just manhandle.
And just MMM.
Just take out my frustrations on kinda hoe.

But good hoes are hard to find.
See, the only hoe that I can get with my Amerian dough
Are those cheap-ass
Made in China
Kinda hoes.

Meanwhile the face of my vegetable garden
Will continue frowning
‘Til I can till the soil with an All-American hoe.

See, Chinese steel might be a steal,
But it just ain’t the real deal.

The Chinese government is a totalitarian Communist regime
Where children’s lives are burning in the hoe factories,
And the Barbie Doll factories,
And lead-based painted toy factories.

Yet the Olympic torch . . . is burning.
Tibet . . . is burning.
Freedom . . . is burning.

All I want is a good, clean hoe,
But Wal-Mart and Target and K-Mart and Sears and H-E-B and
The U.S. Department of State
Are nothing but a bunch of pimps
For Chinese hoes
And it’s getting hot out here for a pimp!

© 2008 by Daniel García Ordaz